So I guess I’ll update you on my life.

• We have $8 left in our budget jars, to buy milk between today and Friday.
• I’m sleepy, the kids didn’t sleep well last night (again).
• My house is miraculously clean.
• It’s warm outside.
• I think I’ll make Deacon take Kylie to the park tomorrow so I can enjoy the quiet without her.

Thats all.

OK maybe it’s not all.

I just bought an $8500 2003 Chevy Avalanche.

I don’t have a driver’s license yet. I’m pretty pleased with the price, it has all leather interior, heated seats, command start and a DVD player.

Come October when I can get my license it will be sweet.

It’s been a week since I announced we were going to have a budget, be obligated to stick to it, and not spend anymore money on my credit cards. With 39 dollars in the bank, we set out to wait until payday. (Tomorrow) A trip to the grocery store and my mutual funds has left out current bank balance to be $-15. (OK I forgot the mutual funds were coming out.)

Anyway, here is the budget I’ve come up that will be implemented tomorrow.

Food $184.62

Entertainment $69.23

Clothes/Gifts $26.54

Everything else 32.77

Total Jar Money 313.15

So where does the rest of our after mortgage and utilities money go? My buy-now-pay-later laptop is due next month, and I still have almost 500 to pay, there’s also an accountant that needs paying back and 500 dollars in immigration fees for my lovely husband. I’m also going to Disneyland next February, damn it!

My house is a mess. Despite an entire day of cleaning yesterday, I feel like I accomplished very little. Sure, I made a few discoveries, like my hall floors can safely be walked on without tripping on something nor getting food stuck to your feet, or when all the laundry is done we sure have a lot of clothes. Unfortunately cleaning the hall, kitchen and dining room floors means all that crap was thrown in the general direction of where it lives - like Kylie’s room, the living room or, most cluttered of all, the kitchen table.

Despite the mess and the clutter in my house, I am really an organzied person at heart. I’m slowly going about my house, getting rid of all the junk that has been piling since we moved in. It’s a long process - there is a lot of junk - but I find that each shelf that looks cleaner makes me more relaxed.

With two small children, organization when we leave the house is critical. This is made more difficult by the fact that we don’t drive. We have getting two children ready, the diaper bag packed and the stroller out the door almost down to a science. Our small, everyday adventures are becoming routine.

So let’s mix it up! Going away for Christmas involves driving down with relatives, cramming all of our gear, Christmas presents, carseats and children and keeping them entertained for 6 hours. Then it’s 5 days away from home, followed by another 6 hour drive.

We leave in less than 3 weeks. I don’t want to forget anything, so I’ve already started a packing list broken into categories. As I think of something we need to get, I jot it down on the list. This trip will go well.

Other then the fear of 6 hours in a car with my children, I am ready for Christmas. Most of my shopping is done and the presents are wrapped. Christmas photos should be here any day and we can get the cards in the mail.

It’s a shame that despite my preparations, Christmas always sneaks up. This weekend we’re putting up the tree.

I love Christmas. Each year I’m giddy with the anticipation of holiday decorations, carols and giftwrapping. As a child it was something I always looked forward to, and after the Halloween decorations came down I would beg here to let me decorate for Christmas. She used to always tell me “When you have your own house, you can put out the decorations whenever you want.

Now I have my own house, it’s November 7th and the snowmen and Santas line every shelf and surface they could sit on. I’ve started singing Christmas carols with my children. My holiday shopping is 1/3 done.

This time of year has always been important to me, although I’m not entirely sure why. It’s not something most people understand, including my husband. He hates having real trees, which is so important to me, especially for their “Christmas smell”.

This year I reluctantly agreed to face the 6 hour drive and visit my dad in Calgary for Christmas. My husband was convinced we were not getting a tree and my pleas seemed to be unheard. Desperate for anything, I reasoned him into getting a little 6’ tree with the lights on it for $40 (half off from $80) with the argument of us hosting ‘second Christmas’ with my mom after we return.

So Christmas isn’t ruined and I’ll have to wait a little longer to set up my second ever fake tree.

Now when can I start baking?

Lately I’ve been feeling off. My relationship with my husband flops between unimaginable devotion and resentful bitterness. My house is not the way I want it, and it seems I will never find the time to paint or remodel or do any of my desired cosmetic alterations. It’s cold and my days packed with nursing, childcare and housework leave little room for me to find love in other things. Raising children is rewarding, but it’s long term growth. My biggest accomplishments of late have included cleaning the house and walking to the library. I have no driver’s license, and if I did I’d have mo vehicle to drive. The blistering cold and two small children confine me to my home even more then my inability to drive, although it’s not like there’s anywhere more exciting to travel to than WalMart.

So I needed a change. My hair had been bothering me for some time, so I decided to get a completely different and radical haircut. I worked hard to clean my house. I went on a walk. I’m trying to eat healthier.

I don’t think it’s enough. I’m desperate for something else in my life, yet I have no time to add something else to my plate. I really want to write - or start the bachelor of the arts degree in English but I can’t afford to register.

I need a change of scenery. We can’t move until we can qualify for a mortgage. I’m in a mommy rut, what to do?